Nicotine, post-military life, and the greatest place I’ve ever been
Entry #2
I don’t recommend you quit nicotine the day you start working on arguably the most audacious undertaking of your creative career because if you do, you can guarantee it will be a motherfucker.
About three months ago I was returning from my most recent escapade, this time to Brazil, and was forced to once again face the uncomfortable truth that I had no idea what I was going to do professionally. Sure I made a few bucks here and there through my creative work that you see on this website, but I learned that unless I was a world famous photo maker like Chris Burkard or willing to shoot weddings, I probably wasn’t going to be saving much or buying a house on a photographer’s income. Of course people make it work, but sadly those people are generally the exception. Also, I believe that in most arts, success is a slow, long, 6-10 year grind before getting that “big break”, which is usually just a bunch of little breaks.
The view from Sugarloaf Mountain, Rio, Brazil. When they say Rio is full of electric energy, they aren’t lying.
So, I was contemplating this fact when my aunt told me about Adobe’s annual Artist Development Fund, where they provide a relatively decent sized grant of $7,500 for about 40 creatives worldwide to pursue a project. I say relatively decent not because that isn’t a lot of money for me, but because that grant is not only to pay the photographer, but also for any costs that go into the project. Not so smartly, I decided to pursue a project that would take me across the United States and thereby require multiple airline tickets and car rentals, plus I purchased a new camera; so that budget of $7,500 somewhat got me there. That being said, getting this grant is probably the only reason I pursued this project in the first place, so for that I’m grateful.
A photo of Captain Rob Alexander from South Carolina. Rob is one of the people I’m featuring in my film series and served 8 years in the United States Marine Corps.
As part of the project requirements, I owed Adobe a collection of assets that they can use picturing Veterans. Those I submitted at the end of September. For my own personal project, I decided to make a six-part short film series about Veterans and some of the challenges they overcome post-military. Not to completely give away my vision, which should be completed in January or February, but I wanted to tell the stories of Veterans who were able to overcome these post-military challenges as a way to be an inspiration for others.
Quitting nicotine just as I started editing this project wasn’t exactly my best idea, but I can now say three months and a few relapses later, that it was a good decision. Finally the brain fog is gone and I feel motivated to get this thing done. I truly believe that it will be the greatest thing I’ve ever made in my career and even if it inspires one Veteran to start a new career, take that risk, or on a serious note, put the gun down, then I have reached mission success.
I’m not sure how my current money issues of photography will work out. Most of the people I admire in my life had an unorthodox and unique approach to their careers, but were able to eventually break even, so hopefully I’m headed in that way. I guess we’ll see. Worst case scenario I end up broke, sleeping on a couch, with a ton of photos and videos that no one seems to care about. Actually makes me laugh when typing that. We’ll see.
The dunes near Pismo Beach on the way to Morro Bay are always one of my favorite stops.
Maybe one day this record will mean something to someone. Maybe it won’t. I think either way working for some sort of post humanous (is this a word) legacy or glory is pointless. Chances are when I die, people will forget about me pretty damn quickly, so I guess I better do my best while I’m alive. Not only do I think this means creating something of value, but even more importantly I do think and have more recently confirmed that this means helping, serving, and building up human beings around you. And I’m not saying you should do good to others in the hope that karma will get you back down the road. That’s a load of baloney and you know it. Just do good to others because it’s the only way to live.
That’s my ramblings today, I hope you feel enlightened. Also, I almost forgot to talk about the favorite place I’ve ever been from the title…that has to be the Galapagos Islands. They are fucking amazing and will without a doubt change your life.
Best,
Ben
